Anticipating Black Friday

Seriously, just thinking about Black Friday makes me almost pee my pants. I know that is not very mature of me, but there is something about getting up at the butt crack of dawn, standing in line, enduring sub-zero temperatures just to go shopping that makes me lose control of all of my body functions.

Maybe it is more than just getting great discounts on what I am buying or hearing about hourly “door busters” over a crackly store PA system. Maybe it is actually a genetic defect.

There could be something in my DNA makeup that makes it ok in my Greek pea-sized brain to want to do what I do on Black Friday. I am just glad I am not alone.  Especially on Black Friday I wear my shopping addiction proudly with many other like-minded people!

To me this is no crazier than a grown man wanting to paint their face in the colors of their favorite football team to watch the Superbowl. Can I have an Amen Sister Ava, on that one fellow shoppers? And certainly not as crazy as my manager Mr. Bricks standing in line all night to be the first person to be able to buy a McRib when McDonald’s puts them back on the menu.

I do think that Black Friday is like the Superbowl to us shoppers. And like the game of football, this is very much a team sport. Before the big game we all can be found tailgating the night before in the parking lot of our favorite store. Even before that we have to get the Thanksgiving day newspaper which has all of the store ads. This helps us develop the best game plan for the big day. Then there is A flurry of phone calls back and forth between friends to determine whose going to cover what store and when.

You can spot a professional Black Friday shopper from an amateur a mile away.

An amateur is standing in line all giddy still looking at the store ads and talking about what they want to get. That’s like a bad poker player going all in on the ante when dealt  a set of aces. I am a professional. I prefer not to show my poker hand. Afterall, we all know there are only so many Keurig B155 Brewing Systems that are being sold at 70% off. The last thing you want to do is to tip-off the Mormon family of 5 sister wives and 17 children in front of you that you want one of the huge discounted coffee makers. Then they could run to the coffee maker aisle and grab all of the brewing systems. People have been trampled to death for things far less than a coffee pot! Oh, wait that was a bad example, Mormon’s don’t drink coffee do they? Well hopefully you get my point.

Like me, any professional Black Friday shopper worth their weight in salt will have done their due diligence and only show up at the tailgate party wearing their poker face. They will have committed the entire sale’s brochure to memory. This tactic also tends to psyche out the amateurs.

Wearing the right clothes is also a very important part of the Black Friday shopping experience. It should be common sense that standing in line is going to be colder than running your butt off trying to find crap that you really don’t need. After a few minutes inside it’ll feel like the sauna at the Grand Wailea Spa on the island of Maui.  Layered clothing is a must.

So you need to start off dressed warm and have layers of clothes that you can peel off and just leave behind. Gather a few old sweatshirts, maybe a hat and an old pair of gloves that you were going to be donating to the Goodwill anyway. They can keep you warm as you are tailgating. Then right before the doors of the store open you can take them off and be lighter and more mobile to navigate the narrow crowded store aisles. Since these are old clothes, you can just drop them right there. There is no need to run back to the car and risk losing your place in line. Besides, this is much better than running around the store looking like Sasquatch in one of those puffy full length coats.

There are other Black Friday survival tricks up this Greek blonde girl’s sleeve, like making sure I go to the ATM earlier in the week and shopping just with cash instead of using a debit or credit card.

Each year there is a huge delay in processing debit and credit cards because the demand is so high throughout the day. Nothing would be worse than having a 60% off Blu-Ray disc player and then not being able to buy it because your card’s bank lines are down. Besides, the quicker you can check out the quicker you can get to the next store. Cash rules on Black Friday – just sayin’

As a professional, there are other things I could share, but I don’t want to tip my hand completely. Afterall, you might be in line in front of me. Right?




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About Ava Aston's Muckery

Hello! Thanks for stopping by. My name is Ava Aston and I am a recording artist and actress. I'm just an ordinary girl who acts, sings, writes songs and now writes this blog. I hope you enjoy my blogging enough to want to subscribe. Blessings, Ava If you want to learn even more about me, check out my website at
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4 Responses to Anticipating Black Friday

  1. davehitt29 says:

    Hahahahahahaha!!! Good luck with that 😉
    I dont wanna look at a store or that Parkway friday unless im going on a fire call Hahahahaha!!!

  2. bobbishop says:

    This is one of the great American pastimes, like sports, that I have never been able to wrap my head around. I will promise to give you a little thought and smile, AS I PULL THE BLANKETS BACK OVER MY HEAD AND SLEEP FOR ANOTHER FOUR HOURS.

    Be careful, I have seen newsreels about those early shopping folks, scary

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