In what can only be described as an ironic parody of the recent WikiLeaks breaches of national security with the release of sensitive classified documents from an insider within the United Nation’s US diplomat’s offices, the US music industry is now being rocked and rolled by a similar scandal with the release of a 50,000 page document dump from the tell all/reveal all WikiLeaks website.
The apparent target of the leaks is music industry executive boardroom and water cooler discussions, sensitive documents, Facebook posts, texts, tweets, YouTube viral videos and emails about unsigned recording artist Ava Aston. A source close to someone who knows someone who once worked at a major record label said that “heads will roll” over the release of these sensitive documents. The unnamed source said although he has not seen any of the actual documents he is “pretty sure” there was a lot of cussing and name calling in them, because “that’s how top music executives roll.”
Ava Aston is an unsigned artist looking for a major record deal. Aston and her career was the commonality discussed among the music industry executives quoted in the more than 50,000 pages of sensitive documents. A source close to someone who dated the reporter who uncovered the documents verified that the documents frequently mention that Ava is a young “hot looking Greek girl” but that they only wanted to sign 11-year old girls. The sketchy source went on to say the documents reveal music industry powers-that-be only wanted to sign new artists who haven’t yet finished the 6th grade. The documents go onto to cite the success of Justin Bieber, Jackie Evancho, Greyson Chance and Rhema Marvanne as examples of why they want to sign pre-teens to major record deals.
Although warned by a whistle-blower, who tried to rally for Ava Aston’s defense by going public on HLN’s The Joy Behar Show to say that music is universal and a good artist can be over the age of 12 – was rudely silenced by Behar and her guest, a middle-aged music executive who once was the toast of the industry when he signed the late actor Telly Savalas to a multi-million dollar record deal in the late 1970’s. Behar publicly admitted that not only is she tone-deaf but that she is also not funny. The older music executive continued to say he was “down with his homies and peeps on the street and that he knew what would sell, for reals.” Leaked documents revealed The whistle-blower was later fired from his six-figure a year A & R position and told a confidential source that he recently filed a Qui Tam lawsuit or a whistle-blowers lawsuit against his employers and the entire music industry. It appears the whistle-blower was not fired for his lawsuit, but instead was fired for appearing on the lowly rated Behar cable show instead of a highly rated show like CNN’s Larry King Live. According to a neighbor of the whistleblower’s grandmother she was told the appearance proved to be an embarrassment to the record label and so they had to let him go.
WikiLeak founder Julian Assange said during a Rolling Stone phone interview he granted from a cave that he shares with his fellow fugitive-on-the-lam and friend Osama Bin Laden, that he has no regrets for any embarrassment that these documents might shed on the music industry. He said that he has downloaded (legally) Ava Aston’s “Gone” CD and said he often listens to her music on his iPod when he and Osama are out walking their camels. Assange said he thinks Aston has an incredible sound and that any record label would be lucky to have her.
Other documents revealed that some very liberal music executives feared that Ava Aston was un-American and not worthy of a major record deal because she wrote and recorded the song , “We The People” a song where she is asking Americans to stand up and support their country. Aston wrote the song about right and wrong, not the right and the left. When a low-level marketing rep for the record label sent an email and questioned the label VP about what was un-American about standing up and supporting our country he responded by saying, “I don’t know, it’s just what they say on MSNBC all of the time.”
Ava Aston was unavailable for comment when contacted about the massive record industry document dump from WikiLeaks. Like a typical manager in the music industry, Aston’s manager Mr. Bricks did not return phone calls from reporters working on this musical satire, but was seen having lunch at a local McDonald’s with a McRib in his hands.
All in fun my friends, all in fun.