Because our political leaders can’t get their financial act together a government shut down is looming. What does this mean? How will you and your family be affected? Well leave it to me, the self-appointed Government Real Economic Expression Klutz (GREEK) Czar. I am here to give you the ins and the outs of what’s going to happen financially and how to survive (if not even thrive) if there is a shut down of the U.S. Government.
First off this GREEK Czar recommends buying stock in Federal Express immediately. As the Government shutdown happens forget trying to send or receive mail for 44¢. For those of you who listen to the GREEK Czar, you will become filthy rich off of your new investment in Fed Ex stock and will be able to retire before the next Kardashian reality series debuts.
The TSA employees will retreat back into their little caves, so boarding and flying on an airplane will become enjoyable once again. The GREEK Czar also must announce that the FFA will also be on temporary furlough so look for Southwest Airlines to bring back more pimped out versions of their recently unveiled Boeing 737’s convertibles. E! Television will announce a new reality series starring Rob Kardashian called Pimp My Plane.
Because voting is such a huge part of the US political system and with the politicians inability to vote and agree on a budget, the GREEK Czar has decided that in a show of solidarity any TV series that requires a vote will be immediately shut down. This includes American Idol, Dancing With The Stars, The X factor, Survivor and the newly pitched ABC series called The Survivors of Dancing with the Ex-American Idols.
The GREEK Czar has some exciting news about those of you who have yet to file your 2010 Federal Taxes. Although your taxes will still be due by April 15th there won’t be any post offices to mail in your 1040 tax forms, so you will have to spend a little bit more money by using Federal Express to ensure they are delivered by the deadline of midnight of April 15th. However, the IRS agents won’t be reporting to their cubicles during the shutdown so all personal taxes can be filed in “waiter or waitress” mode. This means you do not need to report your actual total gross income for 2010, just report what amount you think will not raise any red flags like most waiters and waitresses do.
The offices of the FCC will also be shuttered during this time so as your friendly GREEK Czar I just want to warn you that you might want to keep your children and small pets away from the television and radio in case any insensitive or vulgar material slips out over the airwaves. Every precaution will be made to ensure this doesn’t happen. This includes a moratorium on how many episodes of Jersey Shore can air in a single 24-hour period and limits the number of Michael Bolton songs that can play on the radio during the hours of 8 am to 8 pm.
It won’t be easy to get through this difficult tome, but rest assured you have the GREEK Czar helping in any way I can.