I think I am the perfect girl next door. What person in their right noggin would not want to have this Greek blonde girl as their neighbor? Think of the money you will save on entertainment. Cable bill too high? No worries, just watch my daily muckery for your amusement! It’s much better than anything on TV. You can think of it as your very own neighborhood reality series. Want a pet, but don’t want the responsibilities? No worries one of my four escape artist dogs will wander your property too at all hours of the day. Leave the door open, and it’s like putting down a bowl of Kibble with their name on it. They will walk right in. Don’t worry, I have trained them not to take anything
that can’t be pawned that doesn’t belong to them. But watch out for Punkin, she’s got sticky paws, just sayin’.
I’ve been known to lace up the sneakers and bolt out the door for something at the all-night market if I needed to. My house is the one on the block that seems to almost always have some lights on 24/7. And guess what? They are those old-fashion-invented-by-Thomas-Edison-but-now-throw-me-jail-for-still-using-them light bulbs! So neighbor, if you ever need a cup of sugar come on over, don’t worry about the time. But I should warn you that I don’t have that real white crap. Who do you think I am? Mr. Bricks? Real sugar rots your teeth and makes your butt big. So as your neighborhood nutritionist, I will load you up with handfuls of those little white & green packets of Truvia and while I am at it, I will give you more than an earful of the harmful effects of sugar on the body. Truvia is a natural sweetener and it is all that I use because it is so much healthier than real raw or processed sugar. And neighbor, please feel free to think of this Greek girl if you are making your little tykes that daily batch of Kraft Mac & Cheese and realize you don’t have any milk. Consider me your go-to Greek gal for your last-minute milk needs as well. However, I should fess up, I don’t drink/use normal milk either. You’re gonna have to accept my lactose free skim milk, Moo Milk or Soy Milk for your little curtain climber’s Mac & Cheese, that’s how I roll.
If you happen to be a bachelor or an elderly person living next door to me and you pop a button (from eating too much sugar no doubt) and need some one to sew it back on….don’t come knocking on my door, because I don’t do needle and thread. For all of my alterations I go to the tailors down the street, run by the cutest older Asian couple. (I know, an Asian couple running a tailor’s shop in New York, what are the odds?) But they are just like family too me. The wife always greets me by name and says the same thing every time….”Ava, you so tiny. Why you not eat so much” Cracks me up. I just adore them.
This is just a little glimpse into what it would be like to live next door to this Greek blonde girl. I promise never a dull moment! I do travel a lot, so it’s not like I’d be a female Eddie Haskell or anything.
So, won’t you be my neighbor?