I am often told that I am not right in the noggin. Now if this comment was just coming from my manager Mr. Bricks I would dismiss it as monkey see, monkey do. But unfortunately the comment comes from everyone around me including my mom, my dad, my sisters, my best girl friends, my sweetie, the guys in the band and even my 4 dogs. Yes, Pookie, Itty Bitty, boBo and Punkin all give me that , “your coconut is messed up, Mom” look. I can not describe the look they give me, but I know it when I see it.
So, I thought I would record a recent five minute conversation I had with Mr. Bricks and print out the transcription for the world to see. I look at it as therapy for about 1/2 the price. The other 1/2 of what I am saving from a real therapy session I am hanging onto to buy a new pair of sneakers to replace the ones I ruined running in the ocean. Here goes:
AVA: Oh, Mr. Bricks I love those new sweet and salty Zone Bars. I do like the Trail Mix flavored ones, but not as much as their Cashew Pretzel one. Do you think you could get me an endorsement deal with them? You know I eat about 6 of them a day don’t you? Do they have a celebrity spokesman yet? Oh, Kohls is giving out extra Kohls Cash on Friday. Did you know my Mom is the one who got me shopping at Kohls. My Mom’s boyfriend Joe hates shopping at Kohls. I’m hungry. I need to work out. I hate Jillian Michaels, she is the devil I think. I don’t really hate her Mr. Bricks, I don’t hate anyone. Hate is an ugly word. I actually really like Jillian. Her work outs are kick butt and that is what I like about her. I want to see that new Johnny Depp movie. Do you think you can get me into a movie opposite him? Oh, you know who I really want to be in a movie with? Christian Bale. He was amazing in The Fighter. I am so glad he finally won an Oscar. I think he was robbed that last couple of times he was nominated. What’s up with Ellen DeGeneres? I heard she just signed another 11-year old to a record contract. I guess that is why her label is called Eleven Eleven Records. When will I get a record deal Mr. Bricks? I’m hungry. Vitamin Water. I want a vitamin water. Yummo. I love the stuff. I should get an endorsement deal for Vitamin Water Zero. Oh, you know what Mr. Bricks, I think you need to go see more movies. I need to go workout. I wonder why my Mom hasn’t text me yet today. I hope she is OK. I bet it rains today. I just washed my car. Why does it always rain Mr. Bricks when I wash my car. I hate that. Oh, you know what I really don’t like? Miracle Whip. That is so gross. It’s either real mayonnaise or nothing at all. That’s how I roll. I need to work out. I think Abercrombie and Fitch sends the wrong message to young girls. What do you think Mr. Bricks? I do not think I could ever be their spokesperson for that reason. I do like some of their clothes though. I love Super Dry. But I love those ripped jeans I got at the Gap. I need to get the dogs more food. I’m hungry. Did you know I keep a plastic bag of Ghiradelli chocolates in my refrigerator? Yummo. I should work out. Maybe I should do P90X today. I want a protein shake. You know you should eat healthier Mr. Bricks? Do you know how much sugar is in their McRib sauce? I really want to help kids with Progeria. I want to help every little kid I see. And Dogs. I love dogs. I want to have all of my dogs on the tour bus on my next tour. I’m hungry. Some day I want to run a marathon for charity. Add that to the dossier Mr. Bricks. How far is a marathon? Where is Liechtenstein? That’s a funny name for a country. I am going to use that word in a cartoon. I love South Park. Cartman cracks me up. Maybe I should cut my hair. I wonder how many downloads I have on iTunes today? Do you think I should buy a new floor mat for my bath room Mr Bricks? I hate the color pink now. I need to get potatoes. Potatoes are a super food. Hmm, did the mail come yet? I can’t whistle. That’s odd. Don’t you think that is odd Mr. Bricks that I can sing, but I can’t whistle? Why did I lose 3 Twitter followers today? I’m hungry. Most breakfast cereal has way too much sugar. I should go for a run before it rains. Is my laundry done yet? So what do you think Mr. Bricks?
Mr. Bricks: What do I think about what?
See what I mean?