“Beep-Beep” goes my keyfob unlocking my blue 5-Speed Jetta. It sits quietly as I approach it with a gleeful grin & a glint in my eye. I relish in it’s shiny blueness as I clutch my iced cup of happiness in one hand & cling to door handle with the other, I enter.
Once inside I breath in deep the fresh new-car smell. I just love my new car “Johnny Jetta”, (of course if Mr. Bricks would get off of his duff and finally get me a record deal I could go buy my dream car the Bumble Bee Camaro) until then, Johnny Jetta does the job. I insert the key and turn the leather bound steering wheel with a simultaneous press on the clutch. In it goes, I engage the shift, & in a moments notice I am moving. I find myself driving in full granny mode (as I always do, because I was in a really bad car crash in high school, ever since then I realized life is too short & a car is not a toy), on a beautiful sunset road. Goo Goo Dolls, fill my speakers followed by Heart, Rob Thomas, Switchfoot & P.O.D. thanks to my iPod shuffle. I’m enjoying my favorite time of day, “Magic Hour”. It’s industry lingo for that perfect time where everything turns shades of purple and orange from the glowing sunset on the horizon.
Out of nowhere, low and behold wha-wha-what? A cop? Pulling me over? Me? The Greek Girl, I drive like a granny for crying out loud…. Seriously? Does he not know it’s Ava Aston? Maybe he want’s my autograph? But he can’t tell it’s me because I have tinted windows for privacy reasons because it keeps the gawkers at bay.
Me: Is there a problem officer?
Officer: License and registration?
Me: What did you pull me over for? I wasn’t doing anything?
Officer: What’s with the attitude ma’am?
Me: Excuse me? You are the one walking up to my car like I am a drug dealer? I wasn’t doing anything wrong?
Officer: I pulled you over because I couldn’t see you?
Me: Then how did you pull me over? Obviously you saw me well enough to pull me over?
Officer: Your windows ma’am? I couldn’t see you through your windows. They are too dark.
Me: Too dark? And can you please stop calling me ma’am? I’m not my mom for crying out loud.
Officer: Ma’am. I am going to ask you to step out of the vehicle.
(Okay, now this is where it get’s interesting as my head nearly spins off like the exorcist.)
Me: What? Are you friggin kidding me? I am not getting out of my car!
Officer: Ma’am, please step out of the vehicle or I will be forced to arrest you.
Me: Arrest me?!? for what? Because you couldn’t see me? Do you know who I am?
Officer: No and I don’t care. Please step out of the vehicle now ma’am.
(So now I get out. Oh and by the way, did I mention he called for a backup? Whatever.)
Officer: I will be right back ma’am.
What the? Now I am out of my car in the hot air with my hair starting to wilt and the smell of diesel trucks overpowering my Chanel “Chance Fresh” perfume I just squirted on me. There I stood for 15 minutes while this super-cop played the “cool-kid” card. I am telling you what, nothing bugs me more than a cop with a chip on his shoulder and he had one alright.
Two tickets later for having “tinted windows” I am seeing clearly now. Apparently there is a law in NYS where Cars, (not SUV’s mind you because they are exempt) cars side windows must allow 70% of light in…. Cops must be able to see you and what you are doing inside the car. Hmmmph. So I’m wondering… are the police going to come and ask me to take down my curtains in my house now, because they can’t see what’s going on inside? I don’t think this makes any sense. And this my friends is what I like to call an episode of “total muckery”…. just sayin.