No matter what day it is, no matter where I go or whoever I am with it seems every time I turn around I am smack dab in the middle of what would otherwise be considered an SNL skit. Or as the Greek Blonde Girl likes to call it… an episode of muckery. That is of course assuming I were on stage in front of an audience, but nope it’s my real life.
Let’s start by examining my cast of characters:
Well first there is me. I am a character all unto myself. Then of course you have Mr. Bricks. Though he is an absent minded manager doesn’t mean he’s absent from my mind nor from the skit of my life. Then you have my mom. I love her to pieces but man oh man she is a walking dictionary and thesaurus all wrapped up into one who also happens to have a lifetime supply of HGTV Do-it-yourself projects on her mind. Of course you can’ t forget my 4 Greek Sisters. They are all a bit more dramatic than me in their own way. So they offer plenty of material to say the least. Then there is Ava the Diva; my cartoon version of me. This would fit right in with the TV Funhouse animations on SNL. The next character is of course my sweetie. He has a special place in heaven just for him for all he has to put up with. This Greek Girl can at times be like a little kid, which can also be called high maintenance. So, not only does he have his own stuff to do and deal with – then you through in everyone else – four little doggies and bam there you have it, muckery in the making.
So here’s how my SNL skit lineup would be broken down:
1. My monologue and intro skit:
2. We would then break into a Debbie Downer skit where she is my half-sister because my mom has been known to be Debbie Downer herself on a few occasions. My mom would break into the same warnings of doom and gloom about how tornadoes are gonna get us or how like when I lived in LA and she told me everyday that they were expecting a “huge” earthquake any day, which of course never happened. This would all the more reinforce why I am so indecisive as I am always thinking: WWMMS? – “What would my mom say?”.
3. This would be followed by an animated cartoon TV Funhouse skit of Ava Aston meeting up with an animated Jason Stathem and Mr. Bricks episode where we all save the world. (Why Jason Stathem? Because he’s my fav action star, he’s hot and he kick’s butt of course!)
4. Next we would have a guest appearance skit with Alec Bladwin and Christopher Walken. We could do anything in that skit because it would be a dream come true to just do that one. Two of my all-time favorite SNL actors in one skit with me would be the highlight of my life – that and recording with Goo Goo Dolls of course.
5. Then there would be a live performance of Me performing my new hit song, “I Don’t Even Care”. The crowd would love it and it would be raved on Yahoo the next day as the best SNL performance ever.
6. We would do a skit about how hard it is for me to pack. Yeah, not only am I terrible at packing but I am even worse at flying alone. So this would be hysterical to watch as I would have my breakdown over how many sneakers to bring and how I am going to get all my hair products into those little 3 ounce bottles because there is no way I am gonna check my bag. Last thing I need is to have the skycap lose it.
7. Then we would watch another skit of Ava going to GNC where all the guys in the store are pumped up on testosterone and swinging it like Babe Ruth walking up to the plate. The skit would be about me debating about some stupid diet pill and they would be stalking me and flexing all around the store trying to sell me anything with a cool package. Flexing their biceps saying things like, “touch it” do you wanna touch it?
8. This would be the skit featuring all 4 of my sisters. Imagine 5 Greek Girls all from the same father and 3 different mothers. Then take two of them and make them nerotic and obsessive (that would be me and one other). Then you have the other three who are burning rubber and racing through life like it were a party. Oh and did I mention we were Greek and that the Greeks invented drama? Well just imagine what chaos would ensue as one of those party sisters needed an intervention.
9. The next skit is the one with me and me sweetheart doing each other’s hair. Yeah, he does my roots and I cut his hair. One time I cut it and it looked like a Michael Jackson pageboy haircut. Another time he did my roots in a motel 6 in New Mexico on our way moving across country.
10. This skit would be of Mr. Brick’s and me stuck in “The Villages” in Florida trying to book a gig in the big gazebo in town while staying at a relatives home. Let’s just say decorative plates on the wall and plastic covered furniture and no wi-fi make for plenty of one-liners.
11. Then I would perform a heck of a last performance of my other smash hit, “Switch”. The crowd would roar and throw roses at my feet. The performance would be entered into the TV Hall of Fame as the best performance superseding my previous one that same night.
We would all take our bow and go out for a fresh cup of happiness to wrap up the night. Yup, that is how my SNL episode would go down.
Blessings, love & Music ~